Nothing's Gonna Change My World

How true that seems sometimes....Life is an endless cycle of ups and downs and ins and outs....It seems like the positive changes you want to make will never happen. That you will continue on in the same pattern as before, and nothing will improve. I am trying to convince myself this isn't true.

It's an uphill battle, this weight loss challenge. It is ridiculously unfair that it is so easy to gain weight, and almost impossible to get it off...add my PCOS to top it off....and you've really got issues. But I am determined to get this weight off. For myself.

Because even though I have learned to accept myself, finally, it doesn't mean I don't want to improve. Yes, I can look in the mirror now without being depressed. I can go clothes shopping and not come home crying. But that doesn't mean that I want to spend the rest of my life like this. My motto has always been: It is what it is. But maybe, just maybe, I can change what it is. And make it something completely different.

And you know the funny thing? I now have someone who loves me exactly the way I am. And this gives me even more motivation to make myself better. Because he deserves it. And I deserve it. And my world WILL change. Because I will change it.

Working It Out

So everyone knows how it is to set resolutions for yourself. Goals that you think will better yourself and your life. And everyone knows what it is like to give up these goals, and fail miserably. I am no exception. However, I am determined that the goals I have set shall be completed! Therefore, in an effort to force myself to be held accountable, I shall post them on here. And then, wonderful friends that you are, you may feel free to interrogate me as to the progress of these goals.

Goal 1: No sodas, except every now and then Sprite Zero, or something similar. So far I have done pretty well. For the past 2 1/2 weeks I have done this, except for last weekend, which was...horrible.(but only in diet terms. in all others it was great)

Goal 2: Healthier eating. Smaller portions, more fruits and veggies, way less fat and calories. And, in promise to Jonathan : daily vitamins. This has also been going well, other than that one weekend.

Goal 3: Exercise Routine. Trying to do a walking program that is 1 mile every day, in addition to aerobics every other day. So far I have done the walking program successfully every day except for yesterday, as I was sick. In the aerobics department I have so far done...nothing. Yeah....need to fix that.

Goal 4: Keeping my room neat and organized. Now this may sound easy. Not for me. I am very happy cleaning and organizing other people's stuff...but my room? yeah....not so much. I am OCD about a few aspects, for example: my books and my space at work. However, with some help from two very good friends my room has been completely organized and has stayed spotless for....6 days so far. So I shall try my absolute hardest to keep this up.

Of course I also have numerous personal and spiritual goals that I shall not list at this point. The above 4 however, shall be made public. I am determined to keep them.


And finally....a short little Tanka I wrote awhile back.


Struggling

Graceful swan floating
Across the shimmering lake.
Calm on the surface.

But beneath the peace she hides
Her fiercely struggling feet.

Inspiration Strikes!

Well, not so much of a strike as a leisurly stroll.....but still. It's here, and that is the important thing. And what, you may ask, brought along this inspiration at last? In short, the best weekend I've had.....well, ever.


First off, I have the entire weekend off, which is very, very rare. Second, I got to spend plenty of time with my amazing boyfriend and my awesome friends. Friday was dinner at my house. I made lasagna...successfully...thank goodness. I recieved two beautiful surprises from Jonathan. A gorgeous boquet of sunflowers and roses, and an even more gorgeous peridot necklace. Complete a perfect night with a viewing of the Labryinth....hey, no great evening is complete without David Bowie, right?


And then today we took a trip to the zoo. I haven't been since I was young, and it was the perfect day for it. It was the first day of spring, and the weather was cooperating beautifully. I was even inspired to write the first poem I have written in months. And here, my friends, it is. Don't be too terribly harsh...as I said, it's the first thing I've written in a long while.




The Nature Of You


The world in your smile,
The sky in your eyes.
The breeze in your fingertips,
As they whisper by.

The warmth of the sun
Wrapped up in your arms.
The green of the grass
Reflected in your charms.

The smell of the spring
Surrounding us two.
Loving every minute
The nature of you.

Revisiting the Past

In accordance with the pact with Terrald(in which we both agreed to put up some of our old writing in hopes it would inspire new thoughts), I am posting some of my older pieces. So you may comment, if you wish, or just read and enjoy....or mock....your choice. :D

This first piece is....not on the happiest note. But I do love the way it came out.


Release

I left him blankly wandering there,
One lost soul.
People stop and stare,
But all they see is a shell.

Face unmoving, eyes unseeing.
Unable to bring
A stop to his grieving,
I watched as he slowly fell.

On bended knee, I sat pleading.
Begging him
To stop this needing.
To let her go in peace.

With one blank stare he sent me reeling.
Loss of breath
And loss of feeling.
Empty, to say the least.

I wonder if he still lingers there,
Pale thin skin
And matted hair.
One lost and empty soul.

Praying for release.



It's interesting...In looking through my older writing, I am thinking about the phases of my life when I wrote it. And it makes me profoundly happy to be able to look back, and know that I am in such a better place now. It's amazing how things change, isn't it? How much difference a year can make.

Words Not Flowing

Despite the optimistic title of this blog, the words are NOT flowing quite as easily as they did for the Beatles. In fact, the sky has pretty much dried up and the sun has come out. Which means, while this has had a very good effect on my mood, my writing has suffered.

It's interesting....you'd think that at this moment, being the happiest I have been....ever, I would have a bit more inspiration. This is not the case. Apparently I am only able to write when I am depressed. This is not in the slightest bit fair. I protest.

And so, in a last, desperate attempt to lure back the muse that has abandoned me, I create this blog. And you, my loyal supporters, will be able to tell me just how bad my current attempts at literature are. This is what I encourage. Give me your opinions, brutal and honest. Perhaps that will provoke my imagination into action....